If I Could Pick Any Next Door Neighbor . . .
My number one next door neighbor pick would be . . . James Lileks. (See the link to his site somewhere to the left there.) Not ( only ) because he's an upwardly mobile type whom I'm sure lives in a reasonably safe upper ( or at least very ) middle class area, and not because I would enjoy reading about myself in the paper and in the Bleat when I chase my ( nearly ) three year old Kid down the street with a huge water gun, both of us screaming at the top of our lungs -- at 8:00 a.m. ( on a Saturday ), and not because I could drop off a ton of "Vote Gore/Clinton" leaflets on his front stoop ( come that imaginary future day in 2008.5 ). No, nor because I've dreamed of living in Minneapolis/St. Paul since I was a teenager watching (really old) reruns of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show". ( The only thing stopping me is --- the six months of negative 15 and below temperatures. Six freakin' months! )
The real reason I would love to have him as my next door neighbor is the web cam I would set up out my window to make sure he really does all the wonderful things he writes about. ( Plus, I'd love to see the Water Feature in person. I'll bet it's lovely. ) I'd put everything on dvd and keep hourly logs. ( What better do I have to do? Plus, my Kid would make the perfect spy --- in a couple of years. ) Probably be able to sell it on Ebay for tons of loot. Alas, those lowly temperatures prevent such ideal surroundings. Sob. Sob. Weep. ( Global warming is much too slow. )
Please do not e-mail me about the global warming thing. I'm joking. I hate global warming. I wish we could all drive ( $250,000 ) cars that run on corn oil and/or cold fusion. (Wait a cold fusion car would cost $2 million --- never mind.) I'd plant a tree every fifty feet if I could. ( And in twenty years they'll tell us that TREES cause global warming --- all-be-it a different kind, perhaps). Etc. Etc. Et Liberal Democratic cetera. Thank you and farewell.
