Thinking About: Disappointment
Sometimes people disappoint you. You can know them for years, or for days. You can believe you know them and how they think and what they would do under certain circumstances. Sometimes you can be completely mistaken about someone and sometimes they can be affected and changed by people or situations that are new to their lives.
Over the New Year's holiday I was completely floored by something that someone I admire and respect did. It was so outside of their character that I was thrown into a bit of a spiral, that I'm just coming out of now. I have absolutely no way of knowing what caused this behavior -- I can speculate, but I would never do that publicly. I could speak to people who are involved, but I'm not sure how that would look.
I know that this behavior caused people pain. Much of this person's recent behavior has caused some emotional distress for people who have been close to them and are no longer.
This post is not about people, though. It is about a feeling. Something I think many of us feel at one time or another. The disappointment that we feel when these things happen is the real problem. It can keep us from being there for the person who disappoints us. It can keep us from noticing the things behind the behavior. Maybe the person has truly changed. Maybe there is an outside person/circumstance causing the behavior and it is only temporary.
If you let it, disappointment can become a wall between you and someone that you care for deeply. If you become disappointed in someone you should take a long moment (or a week or so) and think about why you really feel disappointed. If it is for some real reason: they did something deliberately to hurt someone or themselves, you should confront them immediately and find out what is going on and why. On the other hand, if you find that you are reacting to a superficial situation, one in which no one is really being hurt (at least not deliberately) try to distance yourself from the incident. Try to look at it from the point of view of someone who has no emotional stake in the situation. You may find that you no longer feel disappointed, at all. If you still feel disappointed, then you can maybe have a good long talk with the people involved and let them try to help you understand.
Right now, I'm just beginning to feel less disappointed. I'm still a little concerned for those involved, but I'm stepping back and looking at it from an emotional distance. Maybe it isn't as bad as I think, as bad as it looks, as bad as it feels.
