Scenes From Her Life: First
Tears that will never change anything. Prayers that she won't believe in in a year. She walks. Down to the library. Waiting. Walking the aisles. It gets late. She can't stand to go home. She can only imagine what her mother will say, and it's too late now, anyway.
She takes a deep breath and walks out. It has been too long a day and the night is not dark enough. Tears touch her lashes as she walks past the hotel and then the theater. Watching the marquee swing makes her stomach turn a little.
She feels useless and ridiculous. Why did she even do this today? She had to know she wasn't ready. She had to know there was no chance.
She stops outside the hospital entrance and realizes that she's walking toward home. She stamps her foot and shakes her head a little, defiantly. Going home would be showing defeat. She'll walk around until she can't stand to walk anymore and then she'll go home, as late as she possibly can.
She looks up and down the nearly empty street and carefully crosses at the light. If she'd paid attention, she might have seen the long dark car that pulled across the intersection just seconds after her.
She's just getting calm, again, when she sees a crowd up ahead. Something clicks in her head and she remembers something she'd seen while she was walking the same street a few days before. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
'Wonderful! What else can you throw at me?' she whispers to Heaven. She bites her lip to fight tears that she can't let come and she takes a deep breath. Raising her chin she heads directly toward the crowd.
Mistake. The crowd suddenly shifts its direction. She gets pushed a little and almost loses her footing.
A friendly hand on her arm turns her around and she's pressed against another arm at waist height.
She pushes back a little, trying to turn against the crowd. A flash goes off in her face and she hears a very familiar voice say something way too close to her ear.
For a second time freezes and she sees golden eyes, not more than a foot from her own.
"I like the outfit."
His words burning in her ears she finds breath to say, " A birthday gift to myself."
"Today?"
"Yesterday."
Why was she talking? Why was she standing on her feet?
Golden eyes shift with a nod and the arm at her waist moves. If her hand hadn't suddenly been in his she would have fallen. It took miracles and dreams to keep her on her feet, but she forced herself to be steady.
"Happy belated. My treat." He walks forward, her hand still in his. She follows as quickly as she can, not wanting to make him pull her.
Her heart is pounding somewhere just behind her left temple and more flashes blind her. His hand tightens around hers and he pulls her towards him as they move forward through glass doors.
The light changes and she's in darkness for a minute. Gentle laughter and she blinks. Candles and tables and a small stage. He walks her to a table to the left of the stage and whispers "Sit."
She sits and looks up at him as he moves away. A gesture and a nod and someone standing at her shoulder asks what she would like. A quick thought. "Killian's?"
"Dear God, make that two!" A loud female voice. "If there is anything worse than California in the winter, I don't know what it is."
"Hey, you look a little shocked. He's in a mood tonight. He tends to get a little er. um, spontaneous when he's in a mood."
"What's your name? Call me Dee."
"Hi, Dee. I'm. . ." for a full moment she wasn't sure, the air around her was heavy and she could barely breathe much less think or talk. Finally she found the strength to say "Teddy."
"Terry?"
"No. Sorry. Theresa Delores is my name. Everybody calls me Teddy."
"Great name. Perfect." The woman laughs and Teddy is taken by it and laughs back.
Beers and glasses on the table and she's still staring in his direction.
Dee clears her throat loudly and Teddy turns a little. "Sorry. I just. . . I'm not sure what just happened."
More laughter and Teddy smiles broadly, relaxing in the older woman's presence. "That's just Doc. Some days you never know what he's liable to do. Guess you were just in the right place at the right time or otherwise."
Teddy laughs breathlessly and shakes her head. "Funny thing. I didn't mean to be in that crowd. I was just walking."
"You're kidding. No wonder you look like you been fired out of a cannon you didn't know you were in."
"Doc! I think kidnap is still illegal in this state!"
This shouted over Teddy's head as she covers her eyes with one hand and tries to make herself small.
Laughter, loud and as beautiful as music makes her bite her lip hard. No other way she's staying conscious. The pain gives her enough presence to sit back in her chair and reach for the beer in front of her. She almost lifts it to her lips when she notices the glass. She thinks about it for about thirty seconds, staring down at her shaking hands. Sighing, she lifts the beer to her lips and takes a long pull.
"Good for you," Dee says, clicking her bottle gently against Teddy's before she takes a long drink herself. "Bottle's enough of a glass for a beer."
Teddy starts to laugh and then looks around. The room is filling up with people and she hears music from somewhere. Letting herself focus again, she realizes that somehow a piano, a high stool, and a guitar stand have appeared on the small stage. Possible she just didn't notice them before.
He's standing on the other side of the stage, the guitar at his hip. He's talking to someone sitting at one of the other tables and she focuses so hard she can almost make out pieces of the conversation.
"Teddy? Breathe."
"Huh?"
"You weren't in the crowd tonight?"
"No. Not on purpose. I had forgotten about this place. I probably wouldn't have been down this way if I'd remembered."
"Really? Why?"
"Can't explain, really. Something I wanted to do, or thought I wanted to do, not even sure what. Something it turns out I couldn't do, anyway."
Quizzical look.
"Yeah. I don't understand it, either."
"Fan, though?"
Fan? That was a loaded word. "Admirer."
"Um hum. Okay."
Teddy glances down at the watch on her wrist. She wondered for half a second what her mother was thinking and was truly grateful that the woman couldn't report her as a runaway. She might still try to report her missing. She hoped that would take at least twenty-four hours.
"Got a date waiting?"
"No. Just. . . I should probably make a phone call."
"If you can get bars in this place, you're welcome to it," Dee said, handing her cell phone to Teddy.
"Thanks. I'll make it super quick."
It takes her a little too long to remember the phone number. Her head just isn't feeling right. Two rings and then three. Fourth ring. "Teddy! Teddy! Where are you? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm still downtown. I've sort of met up with some people. I don't know when I'll be back. Tomorrow early, maybe. I can't say. Don't worry about me. Good night!"
Deep breath. Closes the cell and hands it carefully back to Dee. "Thanks."
"Okay." Dee smiles and drops the phone back into her bag. "That was an interesting conversation."
"Not really a conversation. Just information. That's all she really needed."
"Roommate?"
"You might say that."
"Okay, Ms. Mystery."
"Sorry. It's a long story and I don't think I could tell it if I had a mind to."
A long silence while Teddy watches him walk to the center of the stage and fiddle with a mic stand. "Test. Test. 1-2-3. That's fine. Sound check over."
Dee laughs loud at that and Teddy looks at her. "You have to know Doc. Him and sound checks."
"Anyway Ms. Had-a-mind-to, where are you from? Not California."
"No. Alabama, originally. All over, the last ten years or so."
"Alabama!" Dee says, a little too loud and Teddy wonders if she's being teased a little.
"Yeah. Alabama, born and raised."
From somewhere over her shoulder, "Well, Hell! Roll Damn Tide, girl!"
"Hardly! War Damn Eagle!"
Biting her tongue, just too late, she closes her eyes and pretends she doesn't hear most of the laughter. Part of it she couldn't ignore if her life depended on it. He walks to the table and slams a hand down, rattling bottles and glasses. "Let's not start a riot, now. And leave the girl alone. Yesterday was her birthday. Must be hard to be so far from home."
His eyes on her, she fights hard not to look up and loses miserably. Raising her eyes, she notices his broad smile, and strangles, a little. She has to swallow hard before letting herself smile back. "Thank you."
"No problem."
Walking back to the mic he takes it down from the stand. "Looks like we've got more of a crowd here than down the street."
Laughter, but Teddy barely hears it. His voice is inside her head, threading itself through her mind.
"Actually, this is really a birthday party. I hope all you people have your invitations."
Dee leans over and pats Teddy's hand. "I warned you. Spontaneous. Watch out."
"Okay. Let's start this thing off right. Ms?" A glance at Dee.
"Teddy," Dee says with a smile.
"Teddy? Beautiful. Okay, Teddy. The birthday gal gets the first piece of cake, the first beer and the first request."
Dee rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Seriously. Watch out."
Without even having to think, Teddy says the name of her favorite song and Dee raises her beer. "Right on, girl."
He smiles and reaches down for Teddy's hand. "Good choice," he says quietly, his mouth close to her ear as he pulls her to her feet.
He walks her to the middle of the stage and motions her to sit. Going to the piano he starts to play the first notes of the song.
Her heart stops while he sings the song straight to her. If time hadn't somehow been severed from reality she'd have died.
Roaring applause as he finishes the song and slowly walks her back to the table. He leans in to kiss her, but, startled she leans away. "I don't bite."
Their eyes lock, diamond blue and fire gold, shining into one another. The kiss, meant to be a gentle brush becomes something just a little more in the instant and when he finally pulls back he's surprised by the way she's looking at him.
He turns a little, says something to Dee and moves back to the stage as more applause erupts around him.
Dee looks across the table and says "Uh-oh."
